Happy Running, Kids

Mostly, I'm too mad about the Stupak amendment to write anything coherent about the health reform bill that passed the house last night. So instead you get a post about my running progress.

This spring I wrote about how I've been starting to run again after nearly a decade of practically no running whatsoever. It has been a hard slog to get back into running, but I've kept at it. Last month, when Backbencher and I went home to visit my family and friends, we did a little run at Maxwell Park, the site of most of our home XC meets in high school. While the trails have changed, the smell and the feel had not, and it felt good. Really good, in fact.

Most of you who know us in the real world know that since our return from that trip, we've been trying to get pregnant. This has had some great benefits, not least of which that I'm able to resist most fast food places, have given up caffeine and alcohol, and am highly motivated to get in better shape. This past week I managed six workouts, with at least 5 runs worked in.

Now, mind you, I am still jogging at a snail's pace and only for a maximum of 2 miles. But every lap I run is one lap I wasn't running a month ago, so it's progress. And when I go in the morning, a dear older friend Bill cheers me on as he walks his laps. Some of the other retired folk I know also give me good support.

But the Sunday afternoon crowd has a totally different vibe. Today there were a ton of high school students working out/goofing off. When I started, a young girl was running very quickly. Now, to one getting started running again, getting lapped by a kid half your age is discouraging. But I remembered my training to run my own race, my own pace, and my own laps, and got started. I quickly noticed that this girl would go very fast for about a lap and a half, then stop to chat with her friends, or look down at the kids on the basketball court, or get some water.

I suppose I could have been annoyed, but mostly I was really grateful that she never actually lapped me. She would pass me, but before she could pass me again, inevitably she would stop. I kept "running my race" and soon realized that, in terms of sheer number of laps run, I was actually ahead of her. Tortoise and hare, indeed.

She reminded me of me as a high school (and to some extent, college) runner: loving to run but not really motivated, trying to get out of as much of a workout as I could while still getting something out of the workout, looking for any excuse to delay running those laps, and frankly kind of lazy. Being between seasons, the fact that she's there running laps at all is a step above whatever I did, so I'm not criticizing her. In fact, it was very encouraging, because I realized today that I really do love running, and that today, I am running for myself and with myself. That's a big change from when I ran primarily because I loved being on a team and loved my teammates.

And, when I'm struggling in my run, it's not wrong that I always imagine Shemar Moore (from Criminal Minds) calling me "Baby Girl" and cheering me on, right?

Coming Back to Myself

About eight or nine weeks ago, I started something up again.  I wasn't sure it was going to last, because I've started before - several times, in fact - and I've never gotten very far with it.  It usually only lasts for about a week.  This time, though, it really felt different.  And, even though I still haven't been super-consistent with my routine, I feel really good about this time.

You see, I've started running again.  For those of you who've known me a long time, you remember that I ran in high school and college.  I was not outstanding or anything, but I was decent.  And I enjoyed it.  But mostly, I enjoyed the camaraderie, the sunshine, and, in the fall, the great cross-country courses.  After college, I let myself get out of the habit.  

In retrospect, I think I was more burned out than anything.  But I never got back into it.  Over the years, I've tried to start up again, and every time, I got very discouraged.  I was not running at any sort of level I would recognize as acceptable, and I was pretty tough on myself.  After a few failed attempts to start running again, I finally decided that a "no-pressure" approach, where I just encouraged myself to run, no matter how slowly or briefly, would be my best bet.  Even that didn't work at first.

A couple of months ago, for some reason, I started having running dreams.  This is generally a harbinger of something that generally gets me to running again.  The dreams were pretty persistent, and pretty soon I found myself wanting to go for a run.  So, finally, I tried again.  This time there is still no pressure, but I have set some little goals for myself.  The first few times, it was just to run half a mile without stopping.  Now, I can do that in my sleep - it's a minimum expectation, even if I haven't run in several days.  Generally, if I can get to a half-mile, I can go the full mile and maybe even more.

Believe me, I'm still no speed demon.  I'm only up to a couple of miles.  My body still does not even remotely resemble a runner's body.  But for the first time in probably a decade, I sense that my "inner runner" has come out to play for good.  And, for a change, I am feeling good when I run, even if I'm not going super-fast or for a very long run.  It's a joyous change.  And, I feel pretty sure it's a permanent change.

We'll see what the next few months bring.  For one thing, there's a 1/2-marathon in town sometime in September, and I actually think I'll enter.  My goal will simply be to finish.  Come cheer me on - or better yet, come run with me!!!